My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
