hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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