I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
