I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
