Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize