i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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