I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
