He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
