we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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