Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(561): View more from Florida

you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic

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(905): View more from Ontario

the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster

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(910): View more from North Carolina

Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.

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(619): View more from California

i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before

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(803): View more from South Carolina

Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock

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(209): View more from California

Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.

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(443): View more from Maryland

We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub

(410): View more from Maryland

...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?

(443): View more from Maryland

He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer

(443): View more from Maryland

Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.

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(870): View more from Arkansas

After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.

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