Me. At least after what I've been through.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
