she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
