seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize