Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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