if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize