My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
