People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
