Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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