Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
