You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Randomize
