Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
