So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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