I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
