my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
