Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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