I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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