Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Holy sore nipples Batman
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
