I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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