mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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