I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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