normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
