Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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