Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
