ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize
