I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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