the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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