There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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