This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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