The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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