there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
