apparently the secret to your success is patron
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
