my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
So vagazzling was a success
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
