I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
