The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
she looked like the before picture.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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