dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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