The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
