do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
birth control should be required to get into college
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Randomize