I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
