She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
