my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
