just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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