i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
