What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
