u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
