Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
