You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize