every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
