think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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