i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
