WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
