At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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